SPERM COUNT

An 85-year-old man, named Bob, was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his annual check-up. The doctor gave Bob a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow."

The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and Bob shifted nervously in his chair and began his story.

"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but got nowhere. Then I tried with my left hand, but still got nowhere. Then I asked my wife Cynth for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still got nowhere. To be honest, we were stumped and then I thought I'd give our next door neighbour a call and see if she could help."

The doctor stared at Bob incredulously and was about to make a comment when Bob stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't interrupt me doc...........I'll forget where I've got to and I'll have to begin all over again! Now where was I..........let me see............ah yes, that's right. I'd just given Betty a call. She's as good as gold is Betty and she popped over straight away. She tried to solve my dilemma by trying with both hands first. That didn't work so she tried using her armpit. That didn't work either so she tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor interrupted, "Your telling me that your neighbour came over to help you do it?"

Bob replied, "Yep, but none of us could get that damn jar open."